Closet Clean-Out

Wishlists are nice and all, but what really needs to happen is a thorough spring-cleaning of my wardrobe. So much of it isn't my style anymore, or what I have in mind for my style. It needs to go to someone who will love it. Everything needs to be laundered, but for me, I'm just happy I got through Step One.

I'm actually quite pleased with myself for how large my "to-go" pile is and how small my "maybe" pile turned out.

I decided to keep my underskirts, petticoats and socks. Two of those are necessary for most outfits, and people don't like buying used socks half the time, so I'm not going to sink energy into it.

Here is my "keep" pile:

See? Look how small! It all started with the Meta sundress on the far left. As soon as I took it out of storage, I smiled. I remembered how happy I was when I first got it in the mail. It was the true beginning of my Lolita journey.

Garden Alice is both a favorite of mine and an old, damaged dress. It had come to me in less-stellar condition, and I've never been able to really get it back to 100%. It's staying with me.

And then, of course, I can't let go of Sorcerer's Horoscope. She's too beautiful.

Finally, I've got one cardigan that I can wear with two of those JSKs, as well as my two underskirts. They can stay.

Sell Pile:

This is just about everything in my closet! I had to sit down and be honest with myself about how much I still loved the pieces. Some are no longer my style while others never were. Peter Pan collars and whatever's going on with Sugar Bouquet are never going to sit on me very well. Wheel of Time was never my favorite theme, but I kept it around because it was so comfortable.

I've also forced myself to let go of matching Rabbit Cafe to one of the titular bunnies in the print. It's never going to happen.

Finally, there's the Maybe Pile:

Only the pink and brown Baby cardigan, the black IW skirt, and Candy Bottle.

I was never head-over-heels in love with the cardigan, but I can still potentially make a decent coord with it if I put in some effort. As for the skirt and the JSK, I feel like I never really gave myself a chance with them? I had such plans for Candy Bottle, and the IW skirt can still fit in my new wheelhouse. I'll have to sleep on these items a little while longer.

I'm still not really sure where I'm going down the Lolita rabbit hole, but I know I'll feel a bit better knowing that these things I've held onto for so long will go off to new homes. "When" is a good question, current global climate in mind. My next step will be finding all of the detachable bows and waist ties, as well as going through my headwear to see what else I can sell.

If you have any closet clean-out photos or stories, I'd love for you to share! Go ahead and let me know in the comments below.

Hey, Y'all, We're Going to Talk About Feelings

Buckle up, kids, because I'm about to take you on a ride through my personal, emotional, rollercoaster when it comes to Lolita fashion. In my sort of rebirth into the hobby, I decided to bring with me my newfound need to cut the exclamation points and sugar/salt that this blog had previously and let myself be a bit more real.

Content warning: we're going to be talking about mental health, self-loathing, depressive behavior, and disordered eating. If you want to skip this post, please feel free. My next post will be in a few days.

In my return post, I mentioned how Lolita feels "safe" again like it was ever dangerous. The truth of it is that my mental health is extremely poor and latches onto whatever is in reach. For a long time, I fixated on Lolita.

I used it to justify tearing myself down. I'm not pretty/thin/put-together like all the rest. Why do I bother? I can't socialize with my comm because I'm so cringy and awkward and gross at being a friend. And why am I spending this much money? I should be saving it for real-life things like a house or a new pet or paying off debt. Why am I so irresponsible? These things don't fit me anymore, anyway. If I was Responsible and Good, I would sell everything off and put it towards my wedding/debt/work attire.

All these thoughts got worse every time I talked about Lolita out loud or tried to wear a coordinate. I think my last attempt was in 2018 for my first renaissance festival (it was slapdash).

After that, I stopped trying.

But my mental health never got any better. It adapted and had me criticizing myself for other things. I'm spending too much money on food, I'm not social enough, I need to exercise more and stop eating, I deserve all the bad things that happen to me, my attempts at story writing are laughable and I should give up-

And on and on.

I can't even allow myself to like everyday things. So often have I heard that what I enjoy watching or reading is bad, or why I'm wrong for not liking something different. I don't defend my pop culture or preferences in everyday life with the same ferocity of a Lolita, anymore. Instead of why I like things, I learned to head off criticisms with "Idk, I just like crap."

Somewhere in this pandemic mess we're in, I've found that my anxiety and depressive episodes have drastically reduced. I'm not working or making money, but being home keeps me calmer. I have unlimited time to work on my projects and consume my favorite shows and books. When the weather's nice, I take the dog out to play for a bit. When I bake, it's for my SO and I, not for work. Maybe that's given me room to like things again.

I got curious about where the fashion had gone in my absence, so I started poking around LaceMarket and the brand stores. I really need a new everyday purse, anyway, and I told myself a long time ago that it's okay to have a Lolita bag for everyday. I was surprised at how nostalgic it all ways. That, and a classic case of the warm fuzzies when I saw dresses that were on my old wishlist or ones that I'd add in a heartbeat now.

That's when I started thinking... maybe, it's not so bad to go back. Maybe I can have one or two coordinates that I like. I don't have to have a big wardrobe, though I still swoon over a packed closets. And I don't have to go to meetups or anything, either. I can just have fun and feel that happiness again. I realized that I was falling in love with Lolita fashion for all the same reasons I did before.

I'm allowed to be feminine, and I'm allowed to define my femininity. It's okay if ruffles and dresses and floral prairie prints make me happy. It's okay to like lace and cats and ribbons.

I'm allowed to like things.

That goes for you, all, too.

Back in the Saddle 1: What Stayed

While I work on things and wait and try to learn patience to re-start my Lolita journey, I thought it would be fun to share something I've discovered about it: my wishlist evolution.

I've taken LovelyLor's video about starting over to heart a bit and began rebuilding my wishlist, swearing to look out only for things that I truly love and wait for dresses that are special to me. But first, I had to clean out the old one. There are a lot of new pieces, a lot of things that were pulled, and a shocking amount of dresses that remain! I don't want to start on a downer, so I thought I'd share what's being kept around on the list!

Top: IW Strawberry Jam, AP Royal Unicorn, MM Fraise Cerise

Middle: AP Horror Garden, Meta Lace-Up Tiered Long JSK, AP Marine Kingdom

Bottom: IW Fairy Tale, AP Chocolate-Chan Going Out, AP Dreamy Perfume

I don't think this is an exhaustive list, but it's basically everything. I'm surprised at how much Angelic Pretty is still there.

A lot of these are nostalgia pieces for me. Many of them were around for my formative Lolita years and I've never lost my love of them. Everyone who's ever read this blog knows how much I love Strawberry Jam, Fraise Cerise, Chocolat-Chan, and Fairy Tale.

Horror Garden and Royal Unicorn are pieces that I've always wanted but stayed on my mental backburner for a long time. I would love to add them to my collection. Unicorns are my favorite mythological creature and I need more Gothic prints in my life. I always have.

Revisiting the Lolita world made me realize how much I love perfume prints, so Dreamy Perfume stayed. I won't say no to any perfume prints if I'm honest.

The Meta JSK is simple in comparison, but I still love it. In fact, that might be why I still love it. You'll see in future posts how I'm gravitating well away from busy prints.

Finally, there's Marine Kingdom. I have no excuse, I have no reason. Mermaids and mermaid prints are great. I love that neckline and I can't tell you why. Seashell lace. Pearls on the bow. Mermaids.

I hope this was fun! I tried to be more light-hearted because I know the last post was kind of heavy and the next one's going to be heavier. After that, expect a post about the pieces that were cut from the wishlist, then a post about the ones that were added!

Stay safe!

When Saying Goodbye Doesn't Work Out

So, it looks like I haven't posted in well over a year. I'm sorry I vanished without warning, but I have to be honest.

I almost left Lolita fashion.

It's not a big bomb-dropper because I've never been very active in the community, but it was a big deal for me as an individual. Keeping up with the hobby hasn't brought me joy in a long time. In fact, it did the exact opposite. Weight gain coupled with ever-stressful financial burdens and feeling like I didn't belong in Lolita murdered a lot of my desire to keep going. I haven't worn Lolita in a very long time (if we're not counting socks and the occasional headband or scrunchie).

On top of all of that, I've gotten a dog, been trying to plan a wedding (R.I.P. my Beltane wedding date. Thanks, coronavirus), and started writing books.

It cropped into my life every now and again, of course. I follow Cupcake Kamisama, ScarfingScarves, and LovelyLor on YouTube, as well as the #oldschoollolita tag on Instagram. And I never sold off my wardrobe. I think I was too afraid of letting go of something that made me feel so much joy when I convince myself daily that I don't deserve it.

But there are other things I want to pursue, things that didn't make me feel quite so ugly about myself. I want to get into LARPing. I'm flirting with the idea of making Sims videos. I want to reconnect with my Wiccan spirituality. I want so desperately to write stories. And I told myself that Lolita wasn't as good, or as important, or as attainable as these things.

Lolita fashion, to me, had that crucial keystone of Community that I always lacked and never found. Why bother?

I can't tell you what's changed. Maybe it's the weather, or the fact that my coping mechanisms have drastically shifted in the last year. But Lolita feels safe again. I see clothing that makes me fall in love. And something in my heart tells me that if I achieve the career-related goals that I had set for myself this year, then maybe - just maybe - I can do this. And I don't need a community to love clothing.

It feels like I'm starting over fresh. Trends have changed. My wardrobe needs rebuilding. But this time, I'm coming in with the knowledge of how to do it. I need to rein it in with purchases and other things in my life.

I have some posts planned going forward that are related to this, but I think this is where I pause for the time being. I've missed blogging, too. Have a good night, everybody, and stay safe!

Leopardprint Lolita: Take... 5?

Sorry, guys, I'm skipping the Halloween post this year-

(except let's be real, I haven't posted in months anyway because I've been writing a book, oops)

-and I'm just moving straight on to the thing that I apparently missed in between a mini Moitie revival, the sharp decline of shirred OPs, and my massive disappointment that the only toy print I've ever truly loved is being rereleased in the worst cut.

Angelic Pretty's trying to bring back leopard print?

Like, didn't we... didn't we do this already? Metamorphose pumped out three nearly identical leopard prints, Baby once in a while hands out some printed faux fur accessories, and we were good. Jewel Leopard is the butt of many good-natured jokes because Meta's our crazy and fun spinster auntie and I think a lot more people like it than we like to give away, but "tacky" is still the word tacked onto it. And let's remember how many jokes were on Lolita Updates about how Angelic Pretty clearly kidnapped a Meta designer (Girly Leopard isn't the first offender).

No joke, though, while I'm baffled that this happened at all, I think AP did a pretty good job of the print. Better than Meta.

I know, guys. It's me. #1 Meta fan. But look at Rose Leopard and compare.

Anyway, the print does the Garden Alice thing where the actual leopard print is used as a background to more central elements. In this case, little frames with shoes, hearts, roses and stuff and little swags of jewels in between, so while the fabric visually has a more complex texture, the fact that it's leopard print is easy to forget. I dig it.

I think the colorways all work pretty well, for the most part. Nothing is intensely eye-gouging. I think I like the tulle overlays because they dim down the print and give the garments an extra bit of fanciness, but I'm on-the-fence about the velour bows and trim. They would've looked better in velveteen.

The fur tippet on the OP has some beading that I actually quite like, and I enjoy the neckline underneath it, too - but oh, look, another OP without shirring :'D Ah, well.

I'm so torn on this series. Some of it works well, and then other parts don't. The beret's pretty classic Angelic Pretty, but the animal ears make me cringe in the same way as lace with a netting base - it's just one of those things ingrained into me when I was first starting out. But then the little "ankle covers" (you could probably use them as wrists cuffs) in the same breath look like you could make them a really nice and cozy part of a late autumn or winter look.

Honestly, I'm not super concerned about the series and I won't judge anyone for getting it, I just really needed to stop and make everyone take a look at it because it's one in the morning and my sleepy brain doesn't know what to do with itself.

Lots of love, my little macarons~ Wear your spots with pride.

January 2018 Mood: Cozy, Red, and Classic

Instead of Style Inspiration, I figured it would be easier just to do monthly mood collages based on what sort of Lolita style I'm feeling. This month, I've been really into a sort of Classic color palette based around red, brown, and green. Mostly, I've been eyeballing a lot of Baby, the Stars Shine Bright products because I ended up placing a small order from BtSSB New York to celebrate the end of my two-year break from school.

Recently, I've been really enjoying a few different key things: Underbust JSKs, more casual-style pullovers, cozy cardigans, bonnets, and lace-up sort of OTKs. I actually have the red-and-white Baby OTKs on order along with a pair of pink ribbon hair ties and an Usakumya pen (which is going to be my special note-taking pen for my only in-person class this semester).

Of course, any school set for me won't be complete without my Innocent World Angel Wing bag - it's just the right size for some notebooks, a textbook, and a few other odds-and-ends like wallets and things. Just skip it if you bring a laptop to class.

Here are a few coords I've mocked up; most of them are simple, easy outfits to wear to class. I've never been big on too many accessories, so most of them use minimal accouterments or the design details on the pieces themselves, such as the decorative collars of the blouse and turtleneck.

What are some color palettes or styles that you've been leaning towards this month? Let me know down below!

So Long, 2017

Hello, 2018.

My year ended up finishing itself on a really awful note. Like... probably the worst way I could have immediately envisioned. But the only thing to do for it is to keep pushing forward and create goals for myself, even in Lolita fashion.

That being said, here are my 2018 Lolita Goals:

1. Purchase something from a brand I've never owned before

A JSK from Chocochip Cookie. They are still super old-school.

This might be a little weird, but with the mass-death of several Lolita brands, I keep finding myself thinking, "Wow, I really should have gotten something of theirs when I had the chance." I already have a few brands in mind: Chocochip Cookie, Victorian Maiden (closing soon), Putumayo (also taking its death rattles), Moi-Meme-Moitie, or even h.Naoto.

2. Buy a lucky pack

I actually really love the idea of the traditional lucky packs (the ones where you legitimately don't know what you're getting, only what kinds of pieces may be in there). There's something enchanting about having surprise items and then figuring out ways to work them in with your wardrobe. I really wanted to pick up one of the BtSSB packs from the NYC store this year, but things came up and I found myself without the funds I thought I would have. There's always summer!

3. Continue pulling together a cohesive wardrobe

This was a big year when it came to living expenses (I moved, had medical bills, etc.), so I wasn't able to purchase as much as I would have liked, but I feel pretty good about how the things I did get work with my wardrobe as a whole and I'd like to continue moving in that direction this year. My main focuses are still shoes and tops, but I'm also starting to look at a few new headpieces, as well.

4. Wear Lolita at least once a month

I really just don't wear Lolita so much anymore, but I really would like to! Something I'm going to try is getting back into casual coordination to make it easier.

5. Go to a meetup

It's no secret that I'm terrified of my comms and going to meetups, but I'd really like to change this about myself. Even if it's just for the next convention, I'd really like to join a group of my fellow frillies and just do something fun.

6. Try a new sub-style

Isn't this a weird thought to have when I'm trying to work on having a cohesive wardrobe? Definitely. But I also want to try something new, and I've realized that I do have a few pieces that can be worked into substyles like Gothic or Punk if I just put a little effort into collecting the right accessories. I've wanted to branch out from Sweet for quite a while.

~~~

These are my Lolita goals for 2018. What are some of yours?