This week's Lolita Blog Carnival topic was one that I knew I had to post for, even though I haven't been keeping up on this blog like I've wanted to. The moment I saw it, I knew that I needed to write about it - if only for myself. I have such very strong feelings that apply towards it, and I really want this to be a lesson for new Lolitas in making good choices.
Because these are all things that I have done and continue to do because I'm the biggest chicken on the planet.
Without further ramblings, here are my Five Things for Newbies to Avoid or Not Do:
1. Don't be afraid to be active in your comm.
Really, no one is going to be a snot to you for being a newbie. If you're a part of your comm's Facebook group or other form of social media, go ahead and introduce yourself in a post! Comment on other posts, start RSVPing (and going) to upcoming events, and strike up conversations with your fellow lolitas! I remember when I first posted in my comm (a comment on a photo), they were nothing but lovely to me - even though when they first met me, I was definitely still grossly in my ita phase.
I've never been wildly active in either of my comms - Ohio EGL was mostly due to distance, and by the time one of the main meet-hosters moved closer to my area, I was planning on moving to Michigan! But I have no real excuses for never seeing the Michigan comm - except for the fact that I'm easily intimidated and they're all vastly more lovely and more put-together than I am.
Which leads me to another thing: don't be intimidated by your comm! I wish I could take my own advice, but just go make yourself some friends. Even if you're not good at that sort of thing, I promise it'll be worth it. I still wish I had the courage to make friends in both of my comms. They seem like wonderful people, and I dearly want to be friends with these people. I'm just super socially awkward and bad at befriending others.
2. Don't wait until you're "thin" to wear Lolita.
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| theprintfiend.tumblr.com |
Seriously - don't. This is something that a lot of us plus-sized women already do in the "regular" fashion world. "I'll buy a new wardrobe once I've lost a couple of pounds!" How often do we end up doing this? Rarely. Seriously, find clothes that fit and make you happy and just wear the damn fashion. You'll be much happier for it in the long run, even if you do end up dropping weight.
It'll be harder if you're plus-sized to find good Lolita pieces that fit, but that'll make it worth the effort. Handmade is an option, and Taobao is more popular than ever. It might end up being just as expensive as buying brand, but you'll be far happier wearing it than waiting for a moment that might honestly never come.
I know, I know, this might sound really tired and overused, and as a plus-sized Lolita, I get it, but it needs to be said: you can be cute and plus-sized. The two are not mutually exclusive.
3. Don't buy something just because you can.
This will just make you have a collection of things you don't really love and an incapability to buy things that you do. I can't tell you how many times I've done this. I have money, I can't find anything on my wishlist that's in my price range (looking at you, Melty Ribbon Chocolate), so I just buy something else that I've convinced myself to like.
That's when you end up buying a skirt that definitely does not fit you because it's a damn steal at $40, and you're left to realize that you have a spending problem.
The image above is totally not related, and I have no idea what you're talking about.
4. Don't think that you have to look like a good Closet of Frills coord.
Everyone has their own style, and you need to find yours. By all means, take inspiration from Closet of Frills and other lolitas, but never see a Paradiso coordinate with a foot-tall headdress, angel wings, handmade props and an overskirt with LED lights sewn in and feel like that's the look you have to achieve to truly be a Lolita. Wear your Ribbon Berry Bunny JSK with converse and a denim jacket with pride.
(Note: This isn't me giving permission to shatter every last Lolita rule, but at least have some fun with it once you have a decent grasp on what you're doing.)
5. Don't be afraid to wear Lolita for mundane things - even just to wear when you're at home.
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| "Get on the couch, losers, we're watching Netflix." |
If you want Lolita to be a special-event-only kind of thing, then cool. Do it. But if you want to wear it without a reason, then do that, too! It's a street fashion, casual coordination is a thing, and it'll make you feel good! I'm not saying clean the house in it, but if I've had a long day at work, maybe I just want to take off my work pants and throw on my Sugar Bouquet OP or my Garden Alice JSK to lounge around in. Not only is this good practice for coordination, but it also lets you get used to wearing Lolita in a (relatively, depending on your family) safe, low-stress environment.
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All in all, even though this list is supposed to be about what "not" to do, the main idea I want newbies to take away is this: just grit your teeth and do the damn thing.
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~Other Participants in the Lolita Blog Carnival~
✿ Cupcake Kamisama ✿
✿ Petite Tomoyo ✿
✿ Gotas de Baunhila ✿
✿ Queen & Commander ✿
✿ A Princess' Fairytales ✿
✿ The Bloody Tea Party ✿
✿ Petite Tomoyo ✿
✿ Gotas de Baunhila ✿
✿ Queen & Commander ✿
✿ A Princess' Fairytales ✿
✿ The Bloody Tea Party ✿
YES! Yes to this: "you can be cute and plus-sized"! While I'm not plus-sized myself, I've met my fair share of Lolitas who are and put together far nicer coords than some of the 'skinny' ones because they had to learn the harder way how to put a good coord that fits them rather than go for the 'straight off the rack' look. (Not that there's anything wrong with either, but in a fashion with somewhat restrictive rules, like Lolita, being able to do something original or that stands out is an achievement and a skill.)
ReplyDeleteAnd same with impulse buys. I've imposed on myself a 48h wait rule to curb that so that I have time to cool off and figure out: do I really like that item or do I only like it because it's cheap? It's not so easy to figure out when you're in the heat of shopping, but if you wait you will either realise this or someone else will buy that thing (and that will help you decide how you really feel because you'll either be disappointed that it sold out or not phased at all). :P
I'm still working on wearing my frills more casually, although my excuse is that I live with smokers, so if I'm going to wear something just around the house, it has to be machine washable, which many brand pieces I own aren't. It's on the "once I move out" list :P
Exactly! And this is a pitfall that I keep falling into with myself. "Oh, I'll start wearing it more once I lose weight," and who knows when that motivation's ever going to kick in? It's definitely something that happens no matter what fashion you're in, but it's one of those tough self-love things that can be hard to kick.
DeleteImpulse buys are my actual weakness. I keep wanting to buy up all the cheap Putumayo or BPN things because the prices are always so much lower than other brands, and while I like the punk and gothic looks, I'm not sure that I want these pieces because I really want to try them or because I want to have a more filled-out wardrobe that was easier to attain. I think I'm going to start implementing that 48-hour rule into my life! That's a really good idea!
That's a legitimate reason lol. I think the more casual side of Lolita is striking a chord with me because it was still more of an every-day thing when I first started, and I'm having that nostalgia moment. "Ah, the simpler times..."
The second advice is sooo important to me! As a fellow plus-sized Lolita, the thing that makes me proud and confident about is my size was Lolita fashion! And you never know how the fashion will make you feel (and for me, it was making me feel wonderful! ^^)
ReplyDeleteThe fourth advice is also words of wisdom! While I really love OTT Sweet, it's still ~kinda~ wearable everyday, at least for me. XD; The recent coordinates I see have been getting even more elegant, opulent and even more OTT than it was before and I know sometimes I feel underdressed even in one of my most elegant OTT coordinates... ^^''
I couldn't agree more on the last advice! Coordinating well isn't super easy at first and if you practice it regularly it will get better. ~
For me, I have my ups and downs about being plus sized and in the fashion. But it's one of those things where I really need to take my own advice and just do the damn thing. That's part of my reasoning for wanting to go back to more casual coordinates!
DeleteI always, ALWAYS feel underdressed nowadays! My fanciest headpiece is a chiffon bow with a little gold charm on it, but it's still very simple. Luckily, looking at groups like Closet of Frills, I keep seeing more and more casual, everyday coordinates getting posted. The Gothic and Lolita Bible street snaps, even the old ones, are still inspirations for me in that regard as well!
Definitely! Practice is the number one key to the fashion, no matter how you spin it.
This is great advice! I love #5, especially, I often get caught up feeling like lolita clothing is "special" and so I should only wear it if I'm going somewhere special". But it's clothing we adore and love, so we should wear it whenever we want, as often as we want, even just for ourselves at home, and that's what casual is for anyway.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I couldn't say it any better myself. Everyone has different reasons for wearing it, and we should just roll with it. That's what the fashion's all about: doing something that pleases you for your own sake.
DeleteOur comm is trying to promote #1 and #5! We've done all we can to make the group more welcoming to newbies, and gently guide them to making proper coordinates. Still, there are many times when people ask 'but where do I wear this?' and we are quick to point out those of us who wear toned-down coords to work, or grocery shopping, or to the movies.
ReplyDeleteYour totally unrelated example for #3 is gorgeous! I can see why you ~might~ have bought it!