Do the Damn Thing: 5 Things for Newbies to Avoid or Not Do

This week's Lolita Blog Carnival topic was one that I knew I had to post for, even though I haven't been keeping up on this blog like I've wanted to. The moment I saw it, I knew that I needed to write about it - if only for myself. I have such very strong feelings that apply towards it, and I really want this to be a lesson for new Lolitas in making good choices.

Because these are all things that I have done and continue to do because I'm the biggest chicken on the planet.

Without further ramblings, here are my Five Things for Newbies to Avoid or Not Do:

1. Don't be afraid to be active in your comm.

Really, no one is going to be a snot to you for being a newbie. If you're a part of your comm's Facebook group or other form of social media, go ahead and introduce yourself in a post! Comment on other posts, start RSVPing (and going) to upcoming events, and strike up conversations with your fellow lolitas! I remember when I first posted in my comm (a comment on a photo), they were nothing but lovely to me - even though when they first met me, I was definitely still grossly in my ita phase.

I've never been wildly active in either of my comms - Ohio EGL was mostly due to distance, and by the time one of the main meet-hosters moved closer to my area, I was planning on moving to Michigan! But I have no real excuses for never seeing the Michigan comm - except for the fact that I'm easily intimidated and they're all vastly more lovely and more put-together than I am.

Which leads me to another thing: don't be intimidated by your comm! I wish I could take my own advice, but just go make yourself some friends. Even if you're not good at that sort of thing, I promise it'll be worth it. I still wish I had the courage to make friends in both of my comms. They seem like wonderful people, and I dearly want to be friends with these people. I'm just super socially awkward and bad at befriending others.

2. Don't wait until you're "thin" to wear Lolita.

theprintfiend.tumblr.com

Seriously - don't. This is something that a lot of us plus-sized women already do in the "regular" fashion world. "I'll buy a new wardrobe once I've lost a couple of pounds!" How often do we end up doing this? Rarely. Seriously, find clothes that fit and make you happy and just wear the damn fashion. You'll be much happier for it in the long run, even if you do end up dropping weight.

It'll be harder if you're plus-sized to find good Lolita pieces that fit, but that'll make it worth the effort. Handmade is an option, and Taobao is more popular than ever. It might end up being just as expensive as buying brand, but you'll be far happier wearing it than waiting for a moment that might honestly never come.

I know, I know, this might sound really tired and overused, and as a plus-sized Lolita, I get it, but it needs to be said: you can be cute and plus-sized. The two are not mutually exclusive.

3. Don't buy something just because you can.

This will just make you have a collection of things you don't really love and an incapability to buy things that you do. I can't tell you how many times I've done this. I have money, I can't find anything on my wishlist that's in my price range (looking at you, Melty Ribbon Chocolate), so I just buy something else that I've convinced myself to like.

That's when you end up buying a skirt that definitely does not fit you because it's a damn steal at $40, and you're left to realize that you have a spending problem.

The image above is totally not related, and I have no idea what you're talking about.

4. Don't think that you have to look like a good Closet of Frills coord.

Everyone has their own style, and you need to find yours. By all means, take inspiration from Closet of Frills and other lolitas, but never see a Paradiso coordinate with a foot-tall headdress, angel wings, handmade props and an overskirt with LED lights sewn in and feel like that's the look you have to achieve to truly be a Lolita. Wear your Ribbon Berry Bunny JSK with converse and a denim jacket with pride.

(Note: This isn't me giving permission to shatter every last Lolita rule, but at least have some fun with it once you have a decent grasp on what you're doing.)

5. Don't be afraid to wear Lolita for mundane things - even just to wear when you're at home.

"Get on the couch, losers, we're watching Netflix."

If you want Lolita to be a special-event-only kind of thing, then cool. Do it. But if you want to wear it without a reason, then do that, too! It's a street fashion, casual coordination is a thing, and it'll make you feel good! I'm not saying clean the house in it, but if I've had a long day at work, maybe I just want to take off my work pants and throw on my Sugar Bouquet OP or my Garden Alice JSK to lounge around in. Not only is this good practice for coordination, but it also lets you get used to wearing Lolita in a (relatively, depending on your family) safe, low-stress environment.

~~~

All in all, even though this list is supposed to be about what "not" to do, the main idea I want newbies to take away is this: just grit your teeth and do the damn thing.

✿✿✿

~Other Participants in the Lolita Blog Carnival~

✿ Cupcake Kamisama ✿
✿ Petite Tomoyo ✿
✿ Gotas de Baunhila ✿
✿ Queen & Commander ✿
✿ A Princess' Fairytales ✿
✿ The Bloody Tea Party ✿

Keeping it Together - How to Prepare for Wardrobe Cohesion

You've fallen into the Lolita Pit of Hell: all you've bought are main pieces. Sure, maybe you have a blouse or two that match your first couple of dresses and nothing else, and the same might go for headwear. You look around; do you even own any other accessories?

Or, maybe you've suddenly found yourself with a complete 180 degree change. Your closet used to be sweet and pink and full of cupcakes, and never stopped to remember that when you just started buying up Moitie pieces.

Maybe you bought this bag and have no idea
what to wear it with. The eyes are just too cute!

How do you claw your way out?

Note: I'm only speaking for my own wardrobe. You do whatever works for you.

1. Reorganize Your Closet

This might not seem like an intuitive Step One, but this is actually where I've started from. I finally decided to buy a free-standing closet (not a wardrobe) with the express intention of having somewhere to bring all of my Lolita out of storage, and going through how it has to be organized has really made me take a look at everything - both individually, and how it all looks together.

Reorganization gives you the opportunity to think about a few things: do you even still like some of your pieces? Where did these socks come from? What will work with multiple main pieces, and are there things that you want that will make a nearly-complete outfit with what you already have?

2. Make a List

Well, I made two lists: things that are going to get sold, and things that I'd like to have to make a more complete coordinate with each piece.

I made a list of each main piece I own, complete with what colorway it was, and then added a bullet-pointed list of bits and bobs that would look really nice with them - I absolutely wrote down duplicates. Like, if I had more than one dress that would look nice with brown shoes, I wrote down "brown shoes" for each one. It's going to look really long at the end of it all, and that's okay! We'll take care of that in the next step.

Have a snippet of my list:

I used my wardrobe post from last year to make the list, and simply deleted the things that I had sold or am now planning on selling. It was helpful because I could look at images of my clothing without having to either pull them all out of their storage space or looking them up individually on Lolibrary.

3. Condense the List

Once you figure out everything - what shoes you need, what purses or blouses you're missing, all that stuff - now you can start deleting duplicates.

First, take out the names of all of your dresses. Then, as tedious as it sounds, start going through and taking out the doubles, triples... quadruples, even. You'll find that your pages-long list will quickly trim down to far less!

4. Put Everything Into a Category by Item



This one's only necessary if you're like me and you really thrive on putting things into categories or labels. Re-sort your list by:

Shoes
Blouses
Headwear
Socks
Accessories
Purses
[Insert Other Categories Here!}

5. You Have Your Shopping List!

Behold! You now have a pretty clear shopping plan to put together, and maybe some things you can sell off to contribute to the fund, as well. I've been having some very strong urges to reorganize everything - this was simply a side-effect! And I like having a clear-cut idea of what I have to do in order to make more wearable coordinates out of what I have already, and I'm excited to start rounding it all out again.

I hope this has been as helpful for you as it has for me! What are some of your favorite methods for organizing or figuring out how to reach better wardrobe cohesion? Let me know in the comments below!

The Work-Ready Lolita

My life has literally been revolving around my new job for the last couple of months, and that means that most things have been put on a back-burner: this blog, for instance, and definitely Lolita fashion. Of course, my employer has a loose, if kind of odd dress code, so I've been daydreaming about the coordinates I could throw together for work. I used to wear it often when I worked at my university bookstore, and the habit of trying to figure it out is hard to break.

In my experience, most new Lolitas, or people planning on getting into the fashion, start out wanting to go full-stop Lifestyler, and figuring out how to coordinate for work can be the most daunting: does the dress code allow for Lolita, will my coworkers complain or harass me for it, will my boss mind? So, I decided to make this post all about navigating the waters of the Work-Ready Lolita!

1. How to Decide if You Can or Should Wear Lolita

This is probably the most important section to consider-- you absolutely need to conform to your place of work's dress code. Knowing the clothing rules inside and out is imperative, but here are some other things to consider:

• Does my job require a uniform? The simplest part of this process is the uniform. Obviously, if you have a full set (slacks, company shirt, etc.) that you have to wear, then wear it. Leave the Lolita at home. Other places have partial uniforms (I have a work cardigan, but can otherwise wear whatever within the rules).
• Is Lolita comfortable enough or appropriate for my work duties? Even if you can technically wear a full coordinate to work, you have to ask yourself if you can honestly do your job in your frills. For instance, if you do a lot of moving around for most of the day or do a lot of bending and lifting, then a dress might not be the best choice. And keeping your outfit comfortable will have a surprising effect on your demeanor: if you're wearing a pair of shoes that you can barely stand for the length of a meetup, then wearing them to work isn't a good idea.
• Are some days better for wearing Lolita than others? Many retail workers, like myself, know that shift length can vary wildly, from four or fewer hours all the way up to twelve or more! Shorter shifts are going to be more Lolita-friendly than long ones.
• Ask your manager if it's okay. This is the best piece of advice I can give you: ask your manager or supervisor, and do it before you wear Lolita to work. This is the most surefire way to figure out if you'll be allowed to wear Lolita, and you might be surprised! Just be sure to bring pictures of your dresses and coordinates, if you have them, to give your manager an better idea.

2. Tips for Dressing in Lolita While At Work

Fannie Rosie is my ultimate Lolita style icon,
even if she doesn't wear Lolita a whole lot,
anymore. Her outfits are great examples of a
work-appropriate way of coordination.

Now, assuming that you've checked everything above and have decided that you can finagle a Lolita coordinate, you have to figure out how to pull it off appropriately! 

• Find your base color - Most companies have certain colors associated with them, or will require you to wear neutrals. If you can make sure your coordinate utilises these, then it will look profoundly more professional. Sticking with black, white, navy, and grey is usually the best way to go.
• Make it work with your uniform - As I said above, my job and others only require a partial uniform. As long as I have my black cardigan, I'm pretty good. Luckily, I also have a lot of pieces that not only go well with black, but also look better with a black cardigan or bolero, anyway. If you have a similar partial uniform, then make part of your wardrobe work with it!
• Styles and prints - Be smart about the kinds of styles you wear to work. You do still need to look professional to a certain extent, and not every Lolita print pulls that off. And I'm not pointing a finger at the super-Sweet Lolitas and the carousel or bunny prints: Classic girls, I'd advise you to swap out your bonnets for a simple floral corsage or side-bow, and my Gothic sisters will want to leave the skulls and bats at home and instead choose jeweled cabochons.
• Keep your hair and makeup work appropriate - Unless you work in a salon, bright pink hair  or the super-teased Mana pigtails are likely not going to fly with your employer, nor will having glitter all over your eyes. Go back to old-school Lolita, when hair was often straight or pulled into a cute or elegant style: braids and buns are perfect, here!
• Go easy on the petti - You don't need me to tell you that the petticoat is the natural predator of all things that live on a desk or a low shelf. Smaller petticoats are easier to move in and are less destructive; if you can live with your outfit not being whole-hog Lolita, maybe ditch the petti altogether.
• Avoid the Brandwhore Print - If you don't know what I mean by "brandwhore print," then please take a look at the FYeahLolita! post all about them. A lot of places, especially retail, don't appreciate it when their employees wear logos; even if no one at the office knows what Innocent World is, it still counts as a logo. If the brand name is subtle enough and you aren't sure, absolutely ask your supervisor if it's okay.

3. Biting the Bullet -- Skipping the Frills

Let's face it: Lolita is obviously not appropriate for every job, and you won't be able to get away with it. However, there's nothing wrong with still wanting to look cute and elegant. Little touches here and there will make your time away from your wardrobe more bearable.

• Every Day Elegance - The very first thing I'm going to point you toward is the FYeahLolita! post about bringing touches of Lolita into your everyday life, as well as the one about dressing more maturely. This is mostly directed towards people who want to start bringing more Lolita themes into their lifestyle at large, and people who feel they're growing out of the more childish aspects of the fashion, but they still apply very much to Work-Ready Lolita.
• Have a kawaii area - Keep something kawaii and your style near your locker or desk to brighten your day, like Sanrio writing utensils or Rilakkuma post-its or memo paper. Your coworkers will probably think it's adorable or charmingly quirky, and so may your clients (if they happen to get a look). 
• Be subtly kawaii - Accessories are your friends. Pearls are easily one of the most versatile forms of jewelry in the Lolita world, and they're usually 100% acceptable to wear to work. If you have a looser dress code, it can be easy to wear something fancier or otherwise more noticeable, like bow clips and floral corsages. Shoot, I have a fuzzy, mint green bow with pastel stars sewn on that I occasionally wear to my job.
• Don't be afraid to be That Employee - Be Brittany from Accounting who always wears a fun necklace on Friday. Or Sam from HR who likes to wear lace-trimmed, puff-sleeved blouses. Or even Bri the Receptionist who has the damn adorable and kind of weird bunny-bear for a purse. Your coworkers and supervisors care less than you think they do, and it'll very easily become another personality trait that they know you by.

Not all of us can live the 24/7 Kawaii Lifestyle, and that's okay. But there are always ways of bringing each area of your life back to Lolita, whether that be wearing simple black-and-white coordinates or taking all of your meeting notes with a Sentimental Circus pen.